"With You" Celebrating... | E.W.
Cover Photo by Artem Podrez
I shared at the end of my piece, “With You,” that I’ll be celebrating over the next several weeks stories of the lovely and wonderful folks who, in being practitioners of deep and amazing love:
Have most inspired and empowered me to accept and love myself.
And also to love one another more fully.
This celebration is inspired by what I consider in the song to be Movement One: Those Who Live Love So Fully That They Inspire Me to Love:
When I'm with you, I hear a sound
That makes me laugh and smile and sing to you
When I'm with you, I feel so free
I love that love is going to take control of me….
When I'm with you
It's for real
What I feel
When I'm with you, uh-huh
To E.W.
Because of things like when we got in an accident in your car…while I was driving…you came with me to court determined that I wouldn’t be blamed for an accident with a lot of weird variables simply because the officer was kind of a dick. You let me call you to talk about my distress about all of it, even while you had to find a new vehicle.
I knew that was weird in comparison to how most people would typically behave. And I also knew that you had enough space and ground to understand how distressed I was that I lost you your car. (You were also really pissed…that the officer was a dick. He was. He was an unhelpful and uncaring dick.)
I was blaming and shaming myself enough, because I’d learned over life that that’s what many people take as apology and sense of responsibility. And you (and your parents) were relentlessly clear that the most important thing was that we were all right. The car was a car, and while the incident sucked, it was replaceable. And, Pa insisted when I mentioned that I didn’t have coverage, because I had just gotten my license, and didn’t understand how to get coverage as a driver with no vehicle, “That’s why we have insurance.”
And I remember thinking then, and often still do now, that I hope to grow into your expansiveness of grace, compassion, and ability to hold with folks. I don’t remember that experience because you forgave me.
I remember it because you helped me understand that sometimes—sometimes—things do just happen, and there’s nothing to forgive. And that is just as important for me to know not only to receive, but also when I’m the one who is in the position to give grace to one another.
______________
Because you are all of the best of both of your parents. And that’s a saying a lot. I’ve seen glimpses of both their shadows, because they’re like, human. (Unbelievable, and still true!) And I’ve also been witness time and time and time and time again to the breadth of their love, grace, and kindness.
You have so much of them that is you—not the hope to “be good,” but the genuine desire that compels you to intentionally cultivate it.
I’ve tried to remember when we first met, and it’s so vague. I remember once early on coming to your dorm room—I was maybe looking for T or JQ. And it ended up being just the two of us, and I kept thinking, “But we’re not friends yet. Therefore, awkward.”
But somewhere along the way—as with most of our friendship—I realized that it’s the most delightful awkward, because it was simply us Being. Neither of us needed to Be anyone or anything other than who we are.
And I realized that with you, I can just Breathe. I don’t have to squeeze my breath or being, and hope that I’m not too loud or too intrusive (to you). I can full diaphragm Breathe. And sing. Full-throated. Ave Regina.
But that’s what you do for people. That’s how you hold people.
______________
When I started this series, I always knew you were a Movement I person. Not a doubt in my mind, because I think of you and mostly just vision a glow of effervescent, loving energy. I can only a imagine what it’s like for your folks you work with to just sit with your Glow, and Be Loved. I’m so thankful that they can: Because You.
I listed you last in Movement I because I didn’t know exactly what to say. All I knew was: Glow.
And then this afternoon. After a week of conversations with folks that were only about my knee surgery or ministry—both of which are important and for which I’m thankful, yet are still kind of draining; two consecutive days of sacramental facilitation; and struggling to find much in the news that isn’t about our society deciding to just gone ahead and go to hell[1] on a rocket ship with no countdown wearing gasoline draws.[2]
I realized what was really hitting me was that I hadn’t had a real conversation with any of my Beloveds in over a week, and I just needed soul friend[3] connection.
So I messaged a few folks to see how they are. I didn’t need anyone to check in on me. I needed to touch base with folks whose love, compassion, and goodness remind me of Who and what I believe in in this life, and see how they are.
I didn’t message you.
Because when I thought of your goodness in the overwhelm of the world, I also resonated this quote from Rabbi Rami Shapiro’s modern interpretation of the Pirke Avot[4]:
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief.
Do justly, now.
Love mercy, now.
Walk humbly now.
You are not obligated to complete the work,
but neither are you free to abandon it.
Because my spirit guides said, “This is a perfect time to go write and express how her presence illuminates living goodness in the world for you. It’s also 10 pm on Sunday night where she is. Ask her how she is tomorrow.”
So I’m writing because I want you to know how much I love the experience of this life that is you Being You. It is a gift and an honor to witness you live and light up love in this world—with your family, with your friends, just with people.
You just love, and it’s so beautiful. It’s what we’re supposed to do, and what so many of us struggle with. And you just…live it.
And your very Being reminds everyone around you to remember to do the same.
I bow to the cosmic energy embodied in this life as E.W.
I love you, and am so thankful to get to love with you. More, it is a gift to be loved by you no matter where we are in life—geographically or transformationally.
Thank you for being Breath of Life, friend.
And I’m certain you know that this was going to lead to Regina, because Regina. I considered “Music Box” because, come on! “Apres Moi” because yeeeeesss to the affirmation, and because you play it so kick ass on the piano. “Ballad of a Politician”, because LOLOLLL. “All the Rowboats” because poor babies (poor us?). You’re a whole mixtape, lady.
But when it came to this particular piece, “The Call” is only too lovely and wonderfullest when I think of you. Definitely “The Call”:
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
[1] The hysterically sad thing about this is if I come back and read this in twenty years, even being the person who wrote this, I won’t be able to pinpoint *which* societal events in the past 6 years are so daunting, because just, Yes.
[2] Shout out to my oldest brother Edward for this sibling mantra from our childhood. Also, given the cost of gasoline right now, this is a genuine commitment. And yet committed we are, and have been for some time.
[3] Shout out to Kelsey Davis for introducing me to this phrase. “Soul friend” does everything for me when I’m energetically trying to distinguish if I had a ministry connection, which ends up being slightly draining no matter what—even though most of the people I work with are and/or become friends, because it’s work and so innately a pouring out—or if I had a soul friend connection, wherein the entire purpose is our pouring into one another. For me, the pouring into isn’t about it being equal every time. It is about an ongoing connection where the people nurture and fill one another’s Beings. So glad for my soul friends.
[4] Many thanks to this awesome Twitter thread by Jessica Price explaining that while this quote is often generally attributed to the Talmud, this particular interpretation is attributed directly to poet and rabbi Rami Shapiro, found in his text Wisdom of the Jewish Sages: A Modern Reading of the Pirke Avot.
Celebrating | Aunt Jeanette & Uncle Chuck
Celebrating | E.W.