My Ordination is Presently Being Denied Because I'm Immunocompromised

  • How It Started

  • How It’s Going

  • What’s Next & What’s Up? | Why Does This Matter for Our communities?

  • As For Me & My House

  • Still to Come

I never announced that I was approved for ordination at the end of this January, because Holy Spirit kept telling me not to. And this moment may be why.

As of this past Wednesday evening, I have been informed by an official at the West Ohio Conference of the United Methodist Church that, after having fulfilled every qualification for the past 7.5 years—with strong affirmation in many of them—I am being pulled from the final vote to be ordained.

Why? Not for any violation and failure to fulfill, but because the Conference’s first complete lack of, and then incredibly lax/vague, COVID-19 protocols make it impossible for me to attend in-person ordination service…as an immunocompromised person…in the midst of a yet ongoing global pandemic. 

I do not have the energy, nor should I be required to expend all of my energy, to explain other folks’ messiness via repeated notifications and conversations. So I’m sharing this piece for all my folks so I can tell it one time, and document it. And I’m also sharing it for all of us.

I reserve and practice the right to share my experience. I don’t feel the need to make up some silly, polite story about what’s going on. I don’t do that, and don’t know why it’s happening to be able to do that if I did. But I can tell you what’s happening.

And more: I invite we who agree with our identity as the church to understand how this is but a microcosmic experience and example of how we unfortunately regard and treat one another far too often. This experience happened to me. And this pattern of behavior is a church issue. It’s a clergy issue, and it’s an issue in our congregations, and how our congregations interact with the world. Yes, people also do this who aren’t the church. And our responsibility first, foremost, and always is for who we are. We can care about me and think about how to care about all of us at the same time. And should.

How It Started

I messaged the Conference office on Monday, April 11 because they sent out the details for ordination on Saturday, April 9. The details were different than 2 years ago, which indicated the COVID protocols had changed. Two years ago, we had the relevant Conference staff, ordinands and commissionees, and one guest each for ordinands and commissionees.

The April 9 details were vague (as indicated by our cohort group conversation where no one seemed to know what they actually meant) in that they told us we could have 3 guests sit directly with us, and seemed to indicate that we could invite and pack the 500-person capacity sanctuary with guests. And so—flag for the immunocompromised person. And so—email.

That Wednesday, having received no response, and Holy Spirit saying, “Chill, chill,” because my anxiety was trying to start stuff, I submitted the requested ordination service information, including this:

We are explicitly asked on the one-page form: “Are there any special considerations that we should be aware of in our planning? (persons with mobility challenges, etc.)”

My Response: I have a chronic illness and am also being treated for bronchitis. My attendance will depend on the COVID-19 protocols for this event.”

I again received no response. None. To this day.

And I again leaned with waiting a bit longer, because we’re always admonished like children that the Conference staff are so busy, and just need a little more time.

A Bishop’s retreat with ordinands and commissionees 8 days later garnered still vague details. So I emailed the Bishop’s Assistant the morning after the retreat to explain my particular situation to a different person, and that I had been requesting information for almost 3 weeks at this point.

I received an email back the following Tuesday afternoon indicating that the Bishop and Director the Office of Ministry would send information “soon”…but still no information as to when.

An issue, aside from the lack of meaningful communication, is that my chronic illness that means I have to put a lot of energy and preparation into traveling. (I am presently serving several hundred miles outside of my conference—they know this. One of the persons I’ve had to regularly interact with has made repeated and oddly/unnecessarily snide comments about this.)

It’s not just a matter of days we have things scheduled. It’s also a matter of the days and time that I have to both prepare for and recover from traveling. When traveling, I try to depart a couple of days early to regather my energy before we begin, and stay a few days later to recover before I move. And there’s also the issue that my capacity is significantly reduced while I’m traveling; the stress from traveling that most folks experience is magnified for me. So when I say I have to do advance work to travel—I have to do advance WERK to travel.

So Holy Spirit put a date on when we had to call whether or not we were attending, because the energy and travel going towards event—as well as the anxiety in waiting to hear what I would need to do to satisfy Conference requirements so I was doing everything I could otherwise do to be in compliance—were impacting both my present daily ministry, as well as my ability to meaningfully schedule ministry in the days after my ordination. My primary ministry is with a grant at an HBCU, and I am the only staff person on my project. So if I’m not available, nothing gathered can move. Combined with the extra WERK around traveling, I have to be very tight and attentive with my schedule.

Holy Spirit’s deadline came a few mornings later, and I was in the process that day of writing my apology email for not attending—apologizing, essentially, for the Conference’s repeated lack of clear communication, when there was any at all—when they finally sent out their “protocols” in the afternoon.

The Holy bottom line was and is: Holy Spirit had already said we were not to attend (the first line of my email), and Holy was not changing Their mind. Joy is not defying Holy Spirit and risking whatever it is They’re trying to keep us from (like, serious illness and even death?) because we want to do what we humanly want to do, which includes not potentially making other humans mad. Especially when other humans should be reasonably understanding given our own Conference claims about who we are, which are referenced in the email for support.

In human issue (and still likely some of the reasons Holy Spirit was not changing Their mind), the numbers that the Conference is still permitting to gather, while they are now limiting invitees, do not guarantee social distancing. And they are relying on the masking protocol of the church where the service is being held, which is simply “masks preferred.”

As the event host, the Conference has every capability to require masks. The issue to me is not necessarily that they chose to defer to the church’s masking protocol, but that they put the responsibility for this on the church, as if the Conference has no say over facemasking at its own events. These were all decisions made by the Conference office.

I want to underscore: I neither asked nor demanded that the Conference office create guidelines to include my presence. (Although, because WOC is a space that claims a desire to practice inclusion, belovedness, equity, that should be a given, or a meaningfully attempted adjustment.) Particulary because I continued to mention in my requests, “so that I can determine whether or not I can attend as a vulnerable person.”

My email writing and the arrival of protocols happened on Thursday, April 28; the protocols came in the afternoon. I updated and sent my email on Friday morning, April 29, explaining why I was unable to attend due to the lack of availability of the protocols, and then the protocols themselves.

 How It’s Going

I received an email from the Director of the Office of Ministry this past Wednesday, May 5, after hours, informing me that:

I especially love the reference to hoping I am found in good health and spirit, since that’s exactly what Holy Spirit is trying to help me maintain.

“Unfortunately, per your request, your name will not be listed for Ordination for the 2022 Clergy Session. Will you please let us know if your plans change? You remain in our prayers.

Grace and Peace…”

I put in my response (which I was not able to make until Friday morning, because we were all hands on at my office)*:

“So, to be clear, I am not being ordained because the Conference rendered it impossible for me to healthfully attend the ordination service?”

And in a shortly following follow-up, because I had been shaking so horribly in shock from the gross, gaslighting Conference staff response:

“And to further clarify, it was not my request to not be listed for ordination, and so not clergy session. I made and am making no such request.

This would be a West Ohio Conference policy, and so WOC decision. And I would please appreciate if that policy is presented and made available, and thank you.”

To be clear, there are any workable number of solutions to this, and is largely up to the Conference to work with the ordinand to arrange. Among those I’ve witnessed across Conferences in recent years:

  • It’s rare, and it is possible for clergy to be ordained in absentia.

  • A person, for example who is immunocompromised, could be requested to present themselves before their Bishop in a private setting with witnesses to be ordained.

  • One Bishop can request that a geographically closer Bishop ordain their person (in the necessary conditions). West Ohio is actually doing that (really beautifully, and preciously) for an ordinand from the Philippines at our service this year.

Because I never had any response over several weeks, and really no seeming sense of having my condition taken seriously in our inclusive, belovedness-, and equity-seeking Conference, the opportunity for any such conversation was eliminated.

So here we are.

There is a potential final recourse in my case. I was advised to email a few folks who may not have been aware of what was happening, and were both possibly supposed to be involved in the decision-making and were not, and/or might be final advocates. It’s not clear who actually knows what, and who made this decision, and whether they should have. And it all comes down to hail mary Holy Spirit stuff on Monday. So we’ll see.

But—this is not about an issue of (solely) me. I have folks who are in positions or connections that they asked if I wanted them to make calls on my behalf, and it would possibly have helped. But also may not have. And that’s not the point. Because it should not take special favors and connections to help me or anyone achieve what’s already been achieved.

This is about an issue of us as the church. It makes no sense that I made—and so many others in their ways make—all of the outreach that I did to be proactive and helpful for something that on the basis of justice and beloved community are not our primary responsibility, only to be: 1) Ignored by the folks with whom the primary responsibility lies; and 2) Punished by them—in my case, the Conference office—for their own lack of meaningful response.

____

*I fully recognize that they experience similar issues in their office. But after nearly a month with no response whatsoever to my queries or concerns, and then this is their response? Naw, y’all. Stop defending nonsense. I want to as well, because I want it to be not this bad. And. We are not making excuses for relational disregard and disrespect. Delusion does not help us get where we say we desire to go.

 What’s Next & What’s Up? | Why Does This Matter for Our Communities?

No idea on ordination. It’s in the hands of the Conference whether or not they follow through with: 1) Allowing the clergy to vote as my clergy interviewers already designated they should do; and 2) If/when they will follow through with my ordination this year. This only remains closed if the Conference keeps it closed.

Every moment is a moment to still allow Holy Spirit to break through and show up, and lead us as we’re called to go together.

I also had a few folks with way more experience than me ask questions like, “When did the Conference office obtain the power to unilaterally interfere with the clergy vote itself? The bishop cannot ordain you on Tuesday, but what’s the Conference policy permitting them to unilaterally prevent the clergy vote? It’s not in the Book of Discipline.” However, it’s actually unclear who had hand in the decision, because all I got back for all of my proactive inquiries was a gaslighting, blaming email. And no one seems to actually know what an actual process is, or who we contact, appeal, etc. when things like this happen.

And, “So do you have to reinterview next year, for something you’ve already been approved for? And what if they decide pull you again because they don’t like the color of your shoes?”

No idea. But those very questions reveal the depth of arbitrary power that we at times wield, because those are great questions that no one seems to have immediate answers to.

So, I am sorry to all of my family, my grown-Grown Folks, friends, ministry partners, and colleagues who feel helpless to help me at this time, while also having to acknowledge that you (we) are unfortunately in no way surprised that this is happening.

This is a Midwest “I’m sorry” as in “I’m sorry we have to experience this,” a reflexive reassurance like our “Ope!” I know this is not that this is my fault. What this is, is ridiculous.

And the grief and sorrow that folks have expressed and are expressing for me are created by unhealthy community practices and dynamics, when we know there should have been and should be meaningful recourse and address, and also know that the clear path towards it is (almost intentionally) absent. We don’t know what to do because we’re disempowered as a community to take care with, advocate for, and support one another.

I’m sharing this story now because folks were of course curious if I was being ordained, and that news spread, and I have a great community of folks who have been so supportive are, and are super excited for and with me.

And I need to explain to folks now why that is not happening at this moment. And I feel neither the need nor the fear to conceal that on the basis of love, justice, and community—I honestly don’t know why I may not be ordained this coming Tuesday. That’s a question for the Conference office, and I am still awaiting their response.

I’m also sharing it because I am far from the first clergy person in process this has happened to (it’s not even the first horrible thing I’ve been submitted to in this process—just shocking to a lot of folks at this point). And I will unfortunately not be the last, because so little is done to address and transform any of these not unfair, but unjust practices. And while there are so many stories I know, I can only respectfully and ethically share mine.

And if this is how the church treats its clergy, it’s not a short wonder to how we collectively treat our people. And the people we may not see as our people.

And this is the church we know too well. Many of us are dismayed for me having to experience this, (however it turns out, these situations are often unnecessary, and always awful)…and all the other folks to whom we know things like this have happened.

What we’re not—tragically in and of itself—is surprised. That this is the institutional church being the institutional church. For some horrid reason, it’s a gross and underlying pattern that’s supposed to be ignored because of the times that folks love each other well. Because we try to use the spaces and times that we have offices and congregations in consistent practice of beloved community, and we try to use these space and moments as a cover for when we aren’t, rather than an example invitation to keep growing and transforming.

We cannot as the church keep saying that we’re going to bring light and love to the world, and wanting to know why folks aren’t interested in us, while we treat one another like trash in general. And definitely not acting in the opposite of love itself.

Whatever happens, I am thankful to the Holy Spirit that I can say that all I have done is what Holy Spirit has asked of me; how Holy Spirit has guided me; and how Holy Spirit has directed me.

 As For Me and My House

This is the most important thing for everyone who has held me down all these years, even before I knew I was called to ordination:

Not being ordained at this moment, particularly not on the basis of institutional wtfness, does not remove, eliminate, dim or reduce the love, strength, support, and affirmation y’all have poured to me all these years. It’s doesn’t, and it can’t. We cannot wipe out the presence or abilities of God because we’re not doing right.

Not being ordained right now on the basis of institutional wtfness does not stop my vocation. Not being ordained right now does not stop my ministry.

It does not undo how you have believed in me, how you’ve supported me, how you’ve loved me, and how you’ve built me up. If you think for five minutes that I think this stops me from continuing to learn and love like Jesus Christ My Boo or Bishop Willie (Grandpa) or Elder Larry (Daddy) or Evangelist Julia (Mommy) or Uncle Chuck and Aunt Jeanette, or Lou Seipel, or JZ, or emyli Wilson, or you—absolutely not.

Quite frankly, many of the things we’ve been required to do for the process itself have failed to be directly supportive to either my ministry or vocation in the ways they have been facilitated. Holy Spirit had to keep backdooring, “Just take this over here and do it like this…” That sometimes happens (as I’ve been told repeatedly, especially for Deacons in this process). Everything doesn’t nurture everyone.

And sadly but thankfully, what this affirms is that nothing about who God has created me to be nor what God is calling me to do is dependent upon the Conference office following through at this moment with what my January interview-appointed clergy have already affirmed me—and the Conference office—to do.

None of what God has placed in me, nor is creating through me, is reliant upon the healthy or unhealthy behavior and practices of an institutional authority. You can fool with me as a human all you want. And I pray your healing if you try to take on God.

And. Who we are as a community is dependent upon the healthy and unhealthy practices of the authorities and spaces gathering us. These behaviors are not specific persons—they are embedded, historical, ongoing community practices that rear their heads to create grief and sorrow even at times that should be joyful. They render us the exact opposite of who we claim and desire to be. And that’s what I invite us to most be concerned about.

Thank you for caring for me. And please—We must learn to walk with Holy Spirit, and learn to care about all of us, together. There’s more to this than me. See it. Witness it. Hear and receive when it’s us perpetrating the misbehavior and maltreatment, not just when we’re on the receiving end. And listen with Holy Spirit and how they tell us to rise and represent.

Continual silence and inaction about our maltreatment against one another—whether we’re clergy or lay—is not what God is calling us to. That’s not God calling, Boos.

Still to Come

There are multiple aspects to this.

This piece is the work of my personally expressing and explaining to folks what is bizarrely happening after years of your support, encouragement, and celebrating with me in this process.

There is a second part that I have a responsibility to in my ministry as an equity coach and consultant.

There is transparency that is required in this to help folks understand the experience of inequity when we are seeking to practice, and even call one another into community address.

So in the next several of days, I will be sharing the email exchanges themselves and some of the well-intentioned advice I received, to do annotations explaining how failure to engage belovedness and equity (which our Conference says we do; and which I outlined in my attendance email) forces us to fail one another as a community.

We’re not fighting each other. We’re allowing the unhealthy dynamics we remain attached with to create situations which pit us against one another. And we have to begin to understand them and see them in ourselves and our spaces to genuinely unlearn them.